Bizarre News

[asandir]

those desks must be just the best things ever, wonder what they're made of

[Caradoc]

BAD DAY AT THE ORIFICE

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana, repairing offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister who submitted it to a radio station in Fort Wayne, Indiana, for a "worst job experience" contest. (She won.)

"As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose…

"All of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things get worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit…

"When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically

"Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

"As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut. So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.

"Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.'"

[Orfinn]

Lol! That gotta hurt!!

[asandir]

aahhahhahahahaa!

goddam that musta sucked!!

US baby gets gun permit
He can barely walk or talk, but 11-month-old "Bubba" Ludwig is already a fully paid up member of America's firearms fraternity, with a 12-gauge Beretta shotgun and a gun permit to his name.

The shotgun was a gift from his grandfather who bought it as an heirloom for his grandson when the infant was just two-weeks-old.

The gun permit came courtesy of the Illinois state authorities last month.

Even in a country with fervent gun advocates, news of an infant owning a gun has made headlines in US newspapers.

The toddler's father, also named Howard Ludwig, applied for a Firearm Owner's Identification Card (FOID) for his son, never imagining that he would actually get one.

"I filled in the form, saying he was two feet, three inches, 20 pounds, and I included a photo of him," said Mr Ludwig, who is a columnist for the Daily Southtown, a suburban Chicago newspaper.

The 30-year-old also had his son "sign" the application form, by putting a pen in his hand and letting him write a squiggle on the paper.

"I was expecting to get a letter back telling me I was an idiot. So when I got his FOID card (permit) back I was shocked. I couldn't believe it."

In Illinois, all firearms owners must apply for a permit, or FOID, in order to legally own a firearm or ammunition but there are no age restrictions on applicants, although anyone under 21 has to get the written consent of a parent or legal guardian, according to the Illinois State Police website.

For now, the shotgun is under lock and key at the home of Howard Ludwig senior.

Grandpa Ludwig plans to keep the shotgun under wraps until "Bubba" or Howard David Ludwig gets to be a teenager, at which point he plans to take the boy out trap hunting, family members said.

the land of the free huh?

[Orfinn]

Close to anarchy...huh? Giving wingwangers nukes and every man be king...freaking shiznos!

[asandir]

I'm with ya man .... but uh what's a wingwanger?

[Caradoc]

I'm with ya man .... but uh what's a wingwanger?

And shiznos..

[asandir]

yeah that too

[Corribus]

This one's for you Aussies out there:

X-rated nude car wash gets police all-clear

CANBERRA (Reuters) - A nude car wash offering an X-rated sideshow and topless cleaning in Australia's tropical Queensland state has been given the all-clear after police and officials said they were powerless to scrub it.

The Bubbles 'n' Babes car wash in Brisbane prompted a flood of complaints with a topless car wash for A$55 ($45) and a nude car wash with X-rated lap-dance service for A$100. "If it was approved for a car wash then I can't imagine how we can stop them," Lord Mayor Campbell Newman told a council meeting with worried local lawmakers.

Professional car washes have boomed in most cities with drought-stricken Australians banned from washing their own cars due to tough water restrictions.

Queensland police denied any cover-up in a state where their image has been dented by past accusations of police corruption and involvement with organized crime.

The raunchy wash, set up by a strip-club owner, was screened from the public and used recycled water to avoid breaching water use restrictions, they said.

"We don't want any traffic accidents caused by people looking at the girls instead of looking at the road," Superintendent Colin Campbell told local media.

[ThunderTitan]

Police left looking like dummies

From correspondents in London

May 17, 2007 01:40am
Article from: The Courier-Mail

WHEN police saw a gun-wielding suspect lurking in the shadows of a suburban front room, their response was swift.

Armed officers burst into the house, shouted at the owner to lie on the floor, and ordered him to surrender his weapon.

But efficiency turned to embarrassment when the "gunman" turned out to be a life-sized model of the video game character Lara Croft, complete with trademark outsized pistols.

Computer shop owner David Williams, 42, had taken the dummy home in Dukinfield, near Manchester, to put it up for sale on auction site eBay.

As the source of the confusion dawned on all concerned, it might have been the moment for an apology from the police.

Instead, Mr Williams was taken to the cells and held for more than 13 hours before being released.

He is now on bail for a suspected firearms offence and will hear whether he faces further charges next month.

[Mytical]

Do people never learn? Newsweek reported that a child died of suffocation after a nursery worker duck taped him. Sound familiar? Sometimes I wonder about people. Other times I REALLY wonder about people. "Oh this child won't shut up, well lets put tape over their mouth." *sighs*. I mean, come on, is there nobdoy left out there who has the semse pf a goose (at least)

[winterfate]

Yeah, people scare me like that...a lot!

[asandir]

No Myst, they don't ....

and as for the whole X-rated car wash, man we have the best stuff here!

and they've been found, normal service in the universe is restored!!

Scotty's remains found after space trip
They beamed him up and now, after a three-week search, they have found the rocket that had carried ashes of Star Trek actor James Doohan briefly into space.

The remains of Doohan, whose Star Trek character Scotty inspired the television catch phrase "Beam me up, Scotty," were blasted off to the edge of space from New Mexico on April 29, two years after his death at the age of 85.

The payload also included ashes of astronaut Gordon Cooper, who first went into space in 1963, and another 200 people.

But the UP Aerospace Spaceloft XL rocket carrying the capsules with the ashes back to Earth got lost in rugged terrain and the search for it was hampered by bad weather.

"Now we can all say 'mission accomplished,'" New Mexico's Spaceport Authority executive director Rick Homans said.

The company which operates the rocket says the ashes were found in about the same place as they were expected.

Organisers say the rocket and the individual capsules containing the ashes are in good condition and will be mounted on plaques and returned to the families.

Canadian-born Doohan played the starship Enterprise's chief engineer, Montgomery Scott, in the original 1966-1969 Star Trek television series.

[ThunderTitan]

Sometimes I wonder about people. Other times I REALLY wonder about people.

You're still wondering? How old are you?

Window cleaner drowned in bucket


A window cleaner drowned in his bucket of water after suddenly collapsing while he worked, an inquest heard.

Mark Fairhurst, 35, of Wigan, Greater Manchester, was found by customer Elizabeth Bebe in June 2006 with his head submerged in water.

Bolton Coroner's Court heard that a heart condition caused the collapse but the cause of death was drowning because he had been unable to save himself.

The jury returned a unanimous verdict of accidental death.

The father-of-one, of Fowler Close, Scholes, was working at the home of Miss Bebe in Whelley, near Wigan.

She told the inquest: "I went outside to hang some washing at the back when I saw a ladder propped up against the wall.

"I then saw Mark lying on the ground motionless, with his arms tucked in and his head tilted to the right inside the bucket.

"It looked like he had been in that position for some time. I went to call a neighbour who then called the ambulance and the police."

No foul play

Miss Bebe told the jury she thought Mr Fairhurst may have fallen while on the ground, rather than from his ladder.

The hearing also heard that the window cleaner had complained about heart palpitations earlier in the year but had not told his doctor.

Pathologist Dr Charles Wilson told the jury he had been informed that Mr Fairhurst had been assaulted in August 2005 which had led to memory problems.

He said he could not rule out the incident being linked to his blackout - but was satisfied there was no foul play.

Coroner Jennifer Leeming expressed her condolences to the family of Mr Fairhurst at the hearing on Thursday.

[asandir]

Dead bat ruins Swedish breakfast
A Swedish couple were dismayed to find a four-centimetre long bat in their breakfast cereal, the Swedish news agency TT reports.

The couple in Tanum, in western Sweden, were already part way down the packet when they made their unappetising discovery.

They contacted the suppliers and hygiene authorities, who took samples to check that the unlucky consumers were not running any health risk from the cereal, which had come from a factory in Britain.

The producer, Kellogg's, sent out a special controller to inspect the bat.

[MistWeaver]

Mom blames Satan for burning baby in microwave

GALVESTON — A woman blames the devil and not her husband for severely burning their infant daughter after the 2-month-old was put in a microwave, a Houston television station reported.

Eva Marie Mauldin said Satan compelled her 19-year-old husband, Joshua Royce Mauldin, to microwave their daughter May 10 because the devil disapproved of Joshua's efforts to become a preacher.

"Satan saw my husband as a threat. Satan attacked him because he saw (Joshua) as a threat," Eva Mauldin told Houston television station KHOU-TV.

A Galveston County grand jury indicted Joshua Mauldin last week on child injury charges after hearing evidence that he placed his daughter in a motel microwave for 10 to 20 seconds.

The infant, Ana Marie, remains hospitalized. She suffered burns on the left side of her face and to her left hand, police said.

Eva Marie Mauldin, the girl's 20-year-old mother, told the television station that her husband is "not the monster people are making him out to be."

"That was not my husband; my husband is a wonderful father," she said. "Satan was working through his weaknesses."

Eva Maudlin described those weaknesses as an undisclosed mental disability, and that her efforts to get help for him have failed.

Police said Joshua Mauldin told them he put Ana Marie in the microwave because he was under stress. The family had arrived in Galveston the day before.

Eva Maudlin, who met her husband in an Arkansas church, denied those claims by police.

"He would never do anything to hurt her. He loves her," she said. "When she cries he is the one who comforts her. When she is sick, he is the one that takes her to the doctor."

Joshua Mauldin, of Warren, Ark., came to Galveston with his wife and mother because he was called to be a preacher, his wife said. While Joshua Mauldin's mother has returned to Arkansas, Eva Mauldin remains in Galveston.

She is hoping to be reunited with her daughter, but Child Protective Services is working to have her and Joshua Mauldin's parental rights severed. A custody hearing for the infant is scheduled for later this week in a Galveston district court.

Joshua Mauldin faces a charge of injury to a child causing serious bodily harm, which carries a possible prison term of five to 99 years, as well as a fine of up to $10,000.

Eva Mauldin has set up a MySpace page, "Joshua Mauldin is not a Monster," in hopes of defending her husband and making pleas for people to help her.

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/front/4820131.html

[ThunderTitan]

A monster? NO, he's just another retard. Sometimes i wish that the Nazis didn't make eugenics programs repulsive to the world, if they had continued maybe this guy wouldn't have been around.

[Omega_Destroyer]

Mom blames Satan for burning baby in microwave

GALVESTON — A woman blames the devil and not her husband for severely burning their infant daughter after the 2-month-old was put in a microwave, a Houston television station reported.

Eva Marie Mauldin said Satan compelled her 19-year-old husband, Joshua Royce Mauldin, to microwave their daughter May 10 because the devil disapproved of Joshua's efforts to become a preacher.

"Satan saw my husband as a threat. Satan attacked him because he saw (Joshua) as a threat," Eva Mauldin told Houston television station KHOU-TV.

A Galveston County grand jury indicted Joshua Mauldin last week on child injury charges after hearing evidence that he placed his daughter in a motel microwave for 10 to 20 seconds.

The infant, Ana Marie, remains hospitalized. She suffered burns on the left side of her face and to her left hand, police said.

Eva Marie Mauldin, the girl's 20-year-old mother, told the television station that her husband is "not the monster people are making him out to be."

"That was not my husband; my husband is a wonderful father," she said. "Satan was working through his weaknesses."

Eva Maudlin described those weaknesses as an undisclosed mental disability, and that her efforts to get help for him have failed.

Police said Joshua Mauldin told them he put Ana Marie in the microwave because he was under stress. The family had arrived in Galveston the day before.

Eva Maudlin, who met her husband in an Arkansas church, denied those claims by police.

"He would never do anything to hurt her. He loves her," she said. "When she cries he is the one who comforts her. When she is sick, he is the one that takes her to the doctor."

Joshua Mauldin, of Warren, Ark., came to Galveston with his wife and mother because he was called to be a preacher, his wife said. While Joshua Mauldin's mother has returned to Arkansas, Eva Mauldin remains in Galveston.

She is hoping to be reunited with her daughter, but Child Protective Services is working to have her and Joshua Mauldin's parental rights severed. A custody hearing for the infant is scheduled for later this week in a Galveston district court.

Joshua Mauldin faces a charge of injury to a child causing serious bodily harm, which carries a possible prison term of five to 99 years, as well as a fine of up to $10,000.

Eva Mauldin has set up a MySpace page, "Joshua Mauldin is not a Monster," in hopes of defending her husband and making pleas for people to help her.

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/front/4820131.html

"That's right, she's got the munchies for a California Cheeseburger"
-Chief Wiggum

[Elvin]

Uh huh, satan preys upon your undisclosed mental disabilities wackos out there!

I feel sorry for the wife...

[Gaidal Cain]

Wife? I feel sorry for the poor kid who has to live with the wackos for years to come.