Winterfate's RT News Thread

[asandir]

yeah .... um that sounds .... underwhelming .... nice little one-two there myst and winterfate

[Elvin]

Lizard meat...Nothing beats a pegasus pot pie. A shame they don't make them in Ashan

[winterfate]

Lizard meat…from those big riding lizards in the dungeon, or a different kind?

3 days sounds really dry. Is it really fatty, or do they crush it up and sprinkle it on, or something?

Well, there's two types of lizard meat. One is, as you mention, from the lizards of the Dungeon town...that one's a little harder to get, especially when Sorgal (the lizard training hero) is near the Dungeon capitol .
The other type of meat is from the common lizards that live all around Ashan, except in the frosty lands of the Dwarves...

Yes indeed...the meat is exceedingly dry. It does have an extra spicy taste to it, which more than makes up for the dryness. In addition, some chefs soak the meat in water filled with Treant roots...that wets them in no time .

Lizard meat...Nothing beats a pegasus pot pie. A shame they don't make them in Ashan

We should go fetch some Pegasi then, Elvin!
I wouldn't be eating their meat though...they are noble creatures!

nice little one-two there myst and winterfate

Why thank you, stefan!

[Kareeah Indaga]

I can name one: Widowsweep Berry Pie. Nothing beats sitting down to dinner with a black eye and scratched up hands, and getting up afterwards in perfect health.

[Omega_Destroyer]

Lizard meat...Nothing beats a pegasus pot pie. A shame they don't make them in Ashan

Maybe they did and that's why there are no pegasi in Ashan.

[winterfate]

The heresy! Kill those who drove the Pegasi to extinction!

*equips a bow and leaves the thread to hunt down Pegasi eaters in Ashan*

[Kareeah Indaga]

Yes indeed...the meat is exceedingly dry. It does have an extra spicy taste to it, which more than makes up for the dryness. In addition, some chefs soak the meat in water filled with Treant roots...that wets them in no time .

So it’s the Ashan equivalent to pepperoni? Neat. Or, alternatively; Bac-O’s.

[Elvin]

Hmm the possibility of that happening eluded me

[winterfate]

@Elvin: Of course. I'm a Rampart/Sylvan fan...I must avenge the Pegasi!

@Kareeah: Very neat...and tasty too!

And now, for my next interview...

Today, we will be talking to a barkeep. Not just any barkeep mind you, but the one and only Wulfstan, Dwarven hero and in his spare time, Master Barkeep. I expect to find out many things about Ashan's alcoholic beverages!

I arrive at Tor Hrall near dawn. The weather is a very nice 2 degrees Celsius...

I then go to Tor Hrall's tavern, The Drunken Manticore, to find Wulfstan.

winterfate: Hello, is Wulfstan here?
Tavern Guest: Yeah, he's right over there *points over to Wulfstan, who's drinking two mugs of a strange liquid...at the same time*

winterfate: Wulfstan!
Wulfstan: Yes?

winterfate: Hello, I'm here to interview you?
Wulfstan: Really? What about, m'lad?

winterfate: Where's your Dwarven accent?
Wulfstan: Um, well, that accent is only for when I'm being a Hero. Meanwhile, I just use the common Human accent, much easier on the vocal cords...

winterfate: I see...oh right, the interview. I came to interview you about the various alcoholic beverages present in this world of Ashan.
Wulfstan: Then you came to the right place! I am Ashan's best barkeep...

winterfate: That's why I came! So, question 1: Sylvan liquor, what's it like?
Wulfstan: Well, those elves like to use this special type of leaf called Moonwisp in their concoctions. Such a leaf creates a highly spicy and bitter mug of ale...it is of course, highly intoxicating too...

winterfate: Oh, how do they make it?
Wulfstan: Simple. They crush the leaves up into a special bowl they use. Afterwards, they pour water consecrated by Sylanna into the crushed powder and, voila...Moonwisp Ale, the greatest brew Sylvan-kind has ever seen...

winterfate: Nice! I like the Sylvan even more now .
Wulfstan: Who would you like to ask about next?

winterfate: Um...Haven...what do the humans of Ashan drink?
Wulfstan: Generic mead and ale...nothing fancy. Good for a quick kick, but rather weak, in my opinion...

winterfate: Oh, and the process of creation?
Wulfstan: It's mead and ale, m'lad. Nothing special here either...except the occasional addition of honey to the mead...

winterfate: Hmm....the Wizards?
Wulfstan: Now those are an interesting bunch. Their Code of Law prevents inebriation...thus they aren't supposed to drink...

winterfate: What do they have Taverns for then?
Wulfstan: Food from all parts of Ashan can be had there...but you didn't let me finish my previous sentence. They aren't supposed to drink, yet they do...

winterfate: Hmm...
Wulfstan: They focus a portion of their magic energies into special orbs. These orbs they then crush. The powder is sprinkled onto common tap water...causing it to transform...

winterfate: Into what?
Wulfstan: Depends on the Wizard who infuses the orb. Water Wizards are sought out for this purpose, as their energy causes the least amount of inebriation, perfect for the liquor loving among the Wizards...

winterfate: Hm....
Wulfstan: Indeed...they drink magic...so to speak. Fire Wizard Ale is something else though...that kicks harder than a Unicorn...

winterfate: I see. Final question. What do you Dwarves drink?
Wulfstan: Beartooth Mead. You don't want to know the precise process...

winterfate: Actually I do...
Wulfstan: I warned you. OK. When our bears die...we take their teeth and grind them. We then take their droppings...

winterfate: Their what?
Wulfstan: Their droppings, m'lad...droppings. And we then boil the droppings in a pot. We then take the tooth powder, place them in a basket above the droppings and leave them there for 12 hours...

winterfate:
Wulfstan: We then flush the droppings in the nearest sewer, and the powder gets mixed in with human mead. Beartooth Mead has a very powerful kick though. The dro....

winterfate:
Wulfstan: Ugh...careful m'lad!

winterfate: *wipes mouth* That was nasty!
Wulfstan: Want a taste? *offers me a mug*

winterfate: No thank you! I'll be leaving now, thanks for the info, Wulfstan!
Wulfstan: Anytime m'lad. I didn't catch your name though...

winterfate: It's winterfate!
Wulfstan: Oh, the guy who interviewed Duncan a while back...

winterfate: Yes...
Wulfstan: Ok. Take care then! Don't hesitate to come back!

winterfate: Thank you!

That was very insightful...even though I could've done without the Beartooth recipe .

Until the next time, this is winterfate signing out! Take care!

[asandir]

and methinks this is getting a little off-topic

[winterfate]

Well, it inspired an interview...so it's all good .

[Mytical]

Once again Mytical, in an effort to get to the truth (or so she claims) has sought out a duo to interview. This time it is Duncan and Jenova.

Mytical : Ok lets get some facts, and only the facts. First you Duncan. It is claimed that you are a womanizer and have a wondering eye. Is it true?

Duncan : *Fights to remove his gaze from Jenova's body*. Absolutely not. I am only interested in Freyda. In fact to prove it, how about I buy you a couple of drinks and we can discuss it in length in my private room?

Mytical : I will pass...Now Jenova, according to our records you indicated to Winter that you were Bi..but according to both Freyda and Jhora this is not the case. They said they needed your help with a certain task..something to do with Duncan but they would not say what..why the deception?

Jenova : *tries not to laugh* Oh, it was just too easy. He is great, but too easy to make blush. I just wanted to see his reaction.

Mytical : So what was the task they needed help with, and did it include Duncan?

Jenova : I am not at liberty to discuss that.

Duncan : *looking very nervous* Hey I have a right to know if it involves me...

Mytical : As much of a right as Freyda does to know if you are cheating on her?

Duncan : *pales* um nevermind.

Mytical : Thought so. So Jenova what CAN you tell us about those two. Any truth to the rumor they might be an 'item' leaving poor Duncan here in the dust?

Jenova : Not that I know of. Though I am told there is an unfolding story that might shed some light on the matter.

Duncan : Who said I was left out. *grins like a cheshire cat*

Mytical : Interesting...so are you going to fess up to Winter Jenova?

Jenova : Eventually, may let him sweat it out a little...

Mytical : But not even a hint as to what they wanted you to do?

Jenova : Sorry, cant.

Mytical : Can't blaim a girl for trying. That is all the questions I have for now..though I do have a message to Duncan from a Persia N. McKitty..something about the lion is away and the cats can play....

[winterfate]

Spring break! Woho!!!!

More time to play Diablo II

*someone knocks on my door*

winterfate: Come in. The door's open!
Jenova: Get out of your room this instant!

winterfate: Aw, come on! I'm powerleveling my Paladin.
Jenova: No buts...I have to show you that juicy surprise I was preparing.

winterfate: *clicks Save And Exit* Really? Ok, I'll be out shortly.

*I get dressed*

Jenova: Take off your clothes...
winterfate: Wha...what?!

Jenova: You heard me?
winterfate: In front of you?

Jenova: Um...I'm over 70 years old...I've probably seen anything you have to...offer.

winterfate: Ok...

*I take off clothes*

Jenova: Good! Now put this on.
winterfate: Rubbery...

Jenova: Put it on!
winterfate: All right...sheesh...

Jenova: Good. Now come out here.
winterfate: Ok...

Jenova: Here...now stick this here.
winterfate: Here?

Jenova: Wrong hole! Here!!!
winterfate: Sheesh...I've never done this before...

Jenova: You really need to get out of your house more...
winterfate: Tell me about it.

Jenova: Now move like this...
winterfate: Why?

Jenova: Because I want to be done before tomorrow!
winterfate: What's gotten into you?

Jenova: You don't want to know...
winterfate: *Gulp* Ok, now what?

Jenova: Do you feel anything?
winterfate: Yes...

Jenova: Now move faster and faster...
winterfate: O...k....

Jenova: Good, you're a fast learner!
winterfate: This...is...tiring...

Jenova: First-timer.
winterfate: Ugh...done.

Jenova: Not bad....23 minutes. That's the third quickest Golem activation time in Ashan's history.
winterfate: Why couldn't you call a Wizard up to do this? Probably would've been quicker.

Jenova: Because this is my gift to you...your very own Golem. Cherish it...because it's the first of its kind...an Ice Golem.
winterfate: Nice! Thanks, Jenova!

Jenova: Anytime! Now, I'll be leaving...I have some unfinished business to handle.
winterfate: OK.

*Jenova leaves*

winterfate: What did she mean by unfinished business? Hmm...whatever. Come on, Hielos!

*My Ice Golem, Hielos, follows me inside*

winterfate: Time to keep powerleveling...muahahaha!

[asandir]

nice winterfate .... good use of innuendo

[Elvin]

If a little predictable

[winterfate]

I think it's about time for another interview...

Today, I will be interviewing the Rampart Centaur King. Why, you ask? Well, as most of you know, Nival is going to release their next expansion pack soon, and the Centaurs in there will be half-orc, instead of half-human or half-elf.

Of course, I must find out how the Rampart Centaurs feel about this...so read on, my friends!

I arrive at the Centaur King's home in the middle of the night.

winterfate: *knocks on the door* Hello!
Centaur King: Come back tomorrow...

winterfate: I've been on this horse for over 4 hours; I will not be deterred...let me in!
Centaur King: Bah...very well. *opens door*

winterfate: Thank you.
Centaur King: What do you want?

winterfate: I want to interview you about the Orc Centaurs that are to show up in Heroes 5's next expansion pack.
Centaur King: Oh them, bloody half breed sons of....[censored]

winterfate: Hush! The young ones will be reading this too...
Centaur King: Bah...it matters not. My honor has been decimated by such a cruel pass of destiny.

winterfate: Well that's a little melodramatic.
Centaur King: Not really...

winterfate: Whatever. First thing is first...what is your name?
Centaur King: Suiranec

winterfate: Suiranec...Suiranec...wait a sec!
Suiranec: What?

winterfate: That's Cenarius spelled backwards!
Suiranec: Yeah...so?

winterfate: No relation to that demi-god?
Suiranec: Besides coming from a similarly clichéd universe? No, none at all.

winterfate: Oh...back to the interview...
Suiranec: You wanted to know about those Orc Centaurs right?

winterfate: Yeah...
Suiranec: Well, those turds are an aberration of nature. They have orange skin!

winterfate: I fail to see the relationship...
Suiranec: Well, it's wrong...

winterfate: Whatever. So you hate the Orc Centaurs. Have you even met them?
Suiranec: Um...

winterfate: Well?!
Suiranec: NO!

winterfate: So, why do you hate them?
Suiranec: I just do...why do Dark Elves hate Humans?

winterfate: Um...
Suiranec: Why do Dwarves hate Dark Elves?

winterfate: Well, that I can...
Suiranec: Why do...

winterfate: Ok, ok! I get the picture...sheesh!
Suiranec: Good. Now if that's all, I have to go back to what I was doing on my computer.

winterfate: Your computer? Ooooo...can I see?
Suiranec: NO!

winterfate: Party pooper...I'll be leaving.
Suiranec: Yes, please. I'm very busy.

winterfate: *leaves*

*A voice can be heard: Your ally's town is under siege!*

Well, that was an odd individual for sure.

See you next time for yet another interview; I'll try to come up with something more interesting next time...

Take care!

[Mytical]

We pardon the interruption, but we have just been informed by Mytical that there is something going on. We just have no idea what. We lost contact with her about an hour ago, and have been unable to reestablish it. Wait..something is coming through...it is audio only though.

Voice : Hello? Is this thing on? Ah good, seems we have finally gotten it to work. Here are our demands..

Anchor : Demands? What demands? Mytical?

Voice : No you idiot, we have Mytical in captivity. Listen..
*in the background a scream is heard, the voice is unmistakenly Mytical's*

Anchor : Oh no! What do you want??!

Voice : First, the alternate story is not to progress with of Light and Dark. Second, all hintings of a Jhora and Freyda Pairing are to cease immediately. Lastly, you all hinting that Duncan is a womanizer is to stop also. If you fail to comply we will send Mytical back piece by piece..after a few days that is.

Anchor : Wait, Mytical is the one doing that..how is she to stop if you have her? Let alone how is she to make it right if dead?

Voice : Um..uh..Da, I mean yes that is a good question.. *muffled sounds as if somebody is talking, but the words are garbled*. Very well, apon her return she is to be fired from her job, and no longer to work for your company...

Anchor : Wait, if she is safely back here, why would we have to listen to your demands??

Voice : *russian cursing* We will think of something. Just hold on...

Anchor : Hey, you don't happen to work for...

Voice : Neit! *a bunch of commotion then the line goes silent*..

Stay tuned for part 2 of this special 2 part report.

[winterfate]

Hi guys! Jenova here...I'm going to save winterfate from his recent interview slump; someone has to take up the slack here at the RT.

Jenova: winter!!!
winterfate: What?

Jenova: What are you doing?
winterfate: Trying to get a 6os eth zerker axe.

Jenova: A what? Is that Diablo 2 lingo?
winterfate: Yeah...

Jenova: OUT OF YOUR ROOM THIS INSTANT!!! That game is consuming your life!
winterfate: Uh...

Jenova: Out...let's go interview someone.
winterfate: Who?

Jenova: Anybody...your news station is going haywire...Mytical got kidnapped...
winterfate: What?

Jenova: Yeah...but she's fine. Seems some guys from Nival...
winterfate: Nival?

Jenova: Yes, Nival! Nival had her kidnapped to shut down your station.
winterfate: Huh?

Jenova: Well, when you stopped interviewing...Mytical took up the slack and Nival kidnapped her to force the station to close.
winterfate: That wasn't very smart. Don't we have other interviewers, like you for example?

Jenova: We're talking about Nival here. What do you expect?
winterfate: Good point! Where to then?

Jenova: Wherever the wind takes us...
winterfate: Ooook...

Jenova: I'll let you take over from here...it's your thread after all.
winterfate: Ok! Thanks!

This is winterfate signing in. Today we will be interviewing a Ghost. Why, you ask? Well, they are the most irritating troop in all of HOMM history (but I could be a bit biased of course). I am going to the murky swamps where they reside to find out the secret to their infinite Incorporeality.

We find a Ghost near the outskirts of a Necropolis town.

winterfate: Hi there!
Ghost: Good day...

winterfate: I'm here to...
Ghost: I have no time for this. *attempts to leave*

winterfate: Wait! Come back here!
Ghost: I have to go kill a Colossus.

winterfate: All by yourself?
Ghost: Are you kidding? My 50% incorporeality makes me impossible to kill...*evil laughter*

winterfate: Yeah, I kinda figured that out a few months ago.
Ghost: Care to join me?

winterfate: Uh...ok.

Jenova and I thus go follow the Ghost to a nearby camp, where several Colossi are guarding some golden artifact of some sort.

Ghost: Hey, stone face!
Colossus: WHO GOES THERE?

Ghost: Me, fatso! You and me, one on one!
Colossus: Little pipsqueak! I will crush you!

*Colossus stomps Ghost....attack missed due to incorporeal ability of the target*
*Ghost strikes Colossus for 2 damage*
*Colossus kicks Ghost....attack missed due to incorporeal ability of the target*
*Ghost smacks Colossus for 2 damage*
*Colossus punches Ghost....attack missed due to incorporeal ability of the target*
*Ghost scratches Colossus for 2 damage*

winterfate: Oh, this is ridiculous...*falls asleep*

Two hours later...

Ghost: Done.
winterfate: What?! You killed the Colossus?

Ghost: *points behind himself, towards a dead Colossus*
winterfate: That ability is so IMBA!

Ghost: Not really...
winterfate: Yes it is...

Ghost: Nope.
winterfate: Yes!
Jenova: Enough! Both of you, cut it out this instant! winterfate...you should know better than to argue with a spirit and Ghost...you ARE IMBA!

Ghost: Phooey...so I am. Want to make something of it?
winterfate: Meh...*casts Ice Bolt on Ghost*

*Ghost dying sounds can be heard*

Jenova: That was overkill...
winterfate: It felt good though...let's go.

Jenova: Sure, where to?
winterfate: Wherever the wind takes us...

Jenova: *giggles* Ok!

So, this is winterfate signing out for now. RL may have me busy, but rest assured that the interviews will be continued (I can't guarantee any rate of interview posting though.)

Take care and may all your rolls be lucky!

[asandir]

nice work winter .... keeps the day moving

[winterfate]

Thank you stefan!

I try my best!