Some changes in English language

Xenofex.XVII · Unread postby **Xenofex.XVII** » 27 Jul 2006, 07:19

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish":

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!
And zen ve vil tak over ze vorld!!!

asandir · Unread postby **asandir** » 27 Jul 2006, 07:24

i have read this before as an email, but always worth a chuckle - might have gone in the jokes thread thou

DaemianLucifer · Unread postby **DaemianLucifer** » 27 Jul 2006, 10:46

Zis sunds so funy!

But seriously,making english spelling simpler is a good thing.Here in serbia we have the simplest spelling in the world.And english has the simplest grammar,so making the spelling as simple would trully make it a universal speach.

Kalah · Unread postby **Kalah** » 27 Jul 2006, 11:17

Maybe this should have been put in the Joke Thread...

ThunderTitan · Unread postby **ThunderTitan** » 27 Jul 2006, 12:07

DaemianLucifer wrote: But seriously,making english spelling simpler is a good thing.Here in serbia we have the simplest spelling in the world.

I doubt that. We have like only 4 things that aren't spelled axactly as they sound.

Kalah · Unread postby **Kalah** » 27 Jul 2006, 12:09

Well, speaking of English, can somebody tell me what's funny (and a bit ironic) about DL's signature?

ThunderTitan · Unread postby **ThunderTitan** » 27 Jul 2006, 12:15

I got nothing. What is it?

Kalah · Unread postby **Kalah** » 27 Jul 2006, 12:16

It says "Test your english"...?? Get it?

ThunderTitan · Unread postby **ThunderTitan** » 27 Jul 2006, 12:19

Didn't i already say I didn't?

Zombie_Inc · Unread postby **Zombie_Inc** » 27 Jul 2006, 12:47

You mean that it should be English?

Kalah · Unread postby **Kalah** » 27 Jul 2006, 12:48

English is always spelt wit a capital E. It seems DL is the one who should get his tested. Or maybe he just did...

ThunderTitan · Unread postby **ThunderTitan** » 27 Jul 2006, 12:58

English can refer to:

* The English language
* The English people
* Anything from England
* A technique in billiards and related games

Generally, english is used to change the angle of deflection of the cue ball after it contacts a rail.

Zombie_Inc · Unread postby **Zombie_Inc** » 27 Jul 2006, 13:02

So we're supposed to test our pool technique? We go that thread all wrong!!

Kalah · Unread postby **Kalah** » 27 Jul 2006, 13:04

Yeah, it's the irony that's amusing to me. It's a bit like a weakling saying "come here to test your strength".

DaemianLucifer · Unread postby **DaemianLucifer** » 27 Jul 2006, 14:55

The irony would be there if I said I will test your english.Second,my grammar here is not perfect because I dont want it perfect:No apostrophes,no capital letters,no spaces after comma,fullstop,or brackets,....The only time I use capital letters is when I paste someones name here,and in some abbreviations(I dont count "I" because its almost like a reflex).My bad writting has nothing to do with english,because I write like that in all of the forums,no matter the language I use.It comes from my sheer lazyness.

ThunderTitan wrote: I doubt that. We have like only 4 things that aren't spelled axactly as they sound.

We have none,so

times infinity

gravyluvr · Unread postby **gravyluvr** » 27 Jul 2006, 16:27

Kalah wrote:Well, speaking of English, can somebody tell me what's funny (and a bit ironic) about DL's signature?

It now points to the Foreign Language Thread?

Kalah · Unread postby **Kalah** » 27 Jul 2006, 19:56

Um... no.

Caradoc · Unread postby **Caradoc** » 27 Jul 2006, 22:31

ThunderTitan wrote:English can refer to:

* The English language
* The English people
* Anything from England
* A technique in billiards and related games

Generally, english is used to change the angle of deflection of the cue ball after it contacts a rail.

I was surprised to learn that english is also a verb, having the same meaning as anglicize. "Let me english that funny name of yours, Francois -- or should I say 'Frenchy.'"

Kalah · Unread postby **Kalah** » 27 Jul 2006, 22:56

Are you sure? That doesn't sound right. Are you sure it shouldn't be "put into English" and that this is just a verbal, abbreviated, form?

Caradoc · Unread postby **Caradoc** » 28 Jul 2006, 17:59

Kalah wrote:Are you sure? That doesn't sound right. Are you sure it shouldn't be "put into English" and that this is just a verbal, abbreviated, form?

Right out of Webster.

The Heroes Round Table

Some changes in English language

Some changes in English language

Who is online