The Joke Thread

[Mytical]

Not really. Unlike these jokes mine only appeals to a really small audience. If I find a joke I like that appeals to a mass audience I will surely put it here .

[Mytical]

Blame this on DL, I had it safely tucked away, but he suggested I put it here...

(this may be a long one, and probably a bad joke, but I am bored )..

A man walks into a bar one day and he has the great looking blond at his side. They order drinks, and then they depart.

The next day, he walks into the same bar with a amazing brunette. They sit, order drinks, then they depart.

The very next day the guy walks in with a smoking red head. They sit down, order a drink, and the red head leaves without the guy.

Bartender walks over. "Ok buddy I don't get it. Two days ago you left with a blond bombshell that all the guys here would have killed for. Yesterday you left with a brunette that had half the guys with their tongue hanging out of there mouth. Today you got had one hot little red head, but she left without you. Off your game today?"

The guy sighs. "The blonde left me to persue an acting career. She found a movie producer and is going to marry him. The brunette was amazing in bed, but she thought I was too dense for her, so she left me for somebody much smarter." he sips his drink and doesn't continue.

After awhile the Bartender asks. "What about the redhead?!"

"Oh, I was with her with the brunette last night. She just came with me today to tell me she was the one the brunette was leaving me for." (Sorry odd mood tonight)

[ThunderTitan]

Not really.

That's so true.

[arturchix]

I hope this one is not posted here:

A doorbell.
- Who is it?
- Police, open the door.
- Who?
- Firemen.
- Why?
- You've got a gas escape in your house.
The host opens the doors.
- Hello, do you believe in God?

[ThunderTitan]

Eat this Tom Cruise:

In typical satirical form, Parker and Stone issued the following statement, with several mocking references to Scientology: "So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for Earth has just begun! Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies. Curses and drat! You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu!!!"

[asandir]

i love anti-scientology humour

[Caradoc]

i love anti-scientology humour

Did you hear about the guy who's dianetic?

He has to take insolence.

[ThunderTitan]

The best jokes are those that aren't meant to be funny:

here are some small instructions.
- To begin, undoubtedly, requires you to name your town - short, bright and original.
- Time at race is the name - means should be and an emblem! Think up and draw it.
- Now time has come to go deep into the past.

From the town creation contest.

[asandir]

Did you hear about the guy who's dianetic?

He has to take insolence.

Cheers Caradoc ....



Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down." The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!" The third lady smiles smugly. "Well, my memory's just as good as it's always been, knock on wood." She raps the table. With a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?!"

[DaemianLucifer]

Two bald guys are arguing:
- You are balder then me!
- What do you mean?You dont have a single hair on your head,just like me.
- Yes but you have a bigger head.





A guy meets his friend in the town:
- Hey Joe,do you like threesomes?
- Of course I do.
- Then hurry home and you might have some.

[asandir]

lol@the threesome one .... that was great

[Caradoc]

Bono is at a U2 concert in Glasgow when he asks the audience for quiet.

Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands and keeping the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

A voice from the front pierces the silence, "Well, feckin' stoap it then!"

[Caradoc]

A cabbie picks up a nun who notices that the striking cab driver won't stop staring at her, so she asks him why.

"I have a question to ask you,” he replies, “but I don't want to offend you"

My son,” she says sweetly, “when you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you’ve seen and heard just about everything.”

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

“Well, let's just see what we can do about that,” she responds. “First, you have to be single and then you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, " Yes, I'm single and Catholic!”

"Ok," the nun says. " Pull into the next alley. "

She then proceeds to fulfill his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush but when they get back on the road, the driver starts sobbing.

"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"

"Forgive me, but I have sinned. I lied and I must confess. I'm married and I'm Jewish."

"That's OK,” says the nun, “My name's Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

[Caradoc]

(still getting caught up on Planet Proctor)

WHAT’S IN A NAME… ?

Holiday in Lake Tahoe? www.gotahoe.com
Art Design: www.speedofart.com
The First Cumming Methodist Church. www.cummingfirst.com
Software: www.ipanywhere.com
New South Wales Native Nursery: www.molestationnursery.com
Italian Power Generator company:www.powergenitalia.com
Need a therapist? www.therapistfinder.com
Looking for a pen? Try Pen Island at www.penisland.net
Experts Exchange: www.expertsexchange.com
And finally, a site to find celebrity’s agents: www.whorepresents.com

[asandir]

those are great Caradoc

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?" the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes", came the answer.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No".
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.
"Is there anyone there besides you?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "Why are they there?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "They're looking for me."

[ThunderTitan]

Something you need to know about this series of tubes we're on:

On the Internets the Men are Men, Women are Men and 13 year old girls are FBI agents.

[DaemianLucifer]

And you found that out the hard way

[ThunderTitan]

And you found that out the hard way

Nah, Milla is still a mystery to me. All i know is that she's probably not FBI.

[DaemianLucifer]

Thats cause shes not 13.CIA maybe.

[ThunderTitan]

Thats cause shes not 13.

Master the obvious much?!

I consider spamming like that much worse then one-word remarks BTW.